DeadJim

At Mojo (coffee shop)

Croix, sits down: "Fuck, this asshole Euntological Post Literary Synaptic Resonance teacher totally has it out for me. I asked a few questions during the first open discussion about the sensory-reprevation tech mentioned in the syllabus and he totally jumped down my throat."

Cue, sitting, staring: "Jimothy died last night."

Cr: "Who?"

Cu: "I didn't get a chance to introduce you, he was a friend of mine from way back, North Coast. Good guy."

Cr: "Shit."

Cu: "Yeah, well... I mean. I guess he saw it coming. It sucks, all his friends just left to pay respects for this other guy, Deadbug, up in Seantacruz. So no one's here to do anything, no wake, no nothing."

Cr: "Well, I'm here. I mean, I have this paper to write but I have time, I'll make time."

Cu: "Yeah. Here, take some of these and let's go cruise by the bridge, he hung out there a lot."

Cr: "Sure."

Cu: "It just fucking sucks, this is the second friend I've buried in a week. This mother fucking sucks... phlegm crusted blood clots from a dead whore's cunt. That's what it sucks. He introduced me to half of these people and they don't even come close to standing up to him. I've lost all my anchors here. I just have the drugs now. These other fucks understand that much, but not anything else. Principals. I've got principals... and vices... lots of vices. Fuck" Giggles "I've got vice-principals."

Cr: giggles "Well he lived the life, right. I mean, he knew what was coming. It's no surprise."

Cu: "It's not the surprise that sucks. Of course he knew it. It's the unfairness that sucks. And it's principal that keeps us going towards the inevitable. I know I'll die in the street, probably sooner than later, that doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it pleasant."

Cr: -----

Cu: "Don't get me wrong. I want to live, but I don't want to live compromised, I want to live feeling as fucking ecstatic as possible while I am living. I can't bow to other peoples' bullshit little notions of pleasantries and social conscience. It just isn't right. *I* was given this life. *I* need to decide how I live it."

Cr: "Do you ever think of quiting."

Cu: "No. If I quit I'd be dead within the week. I'd find a gun and I'd blow my head off. I've been sober before, a lot, and I don't like it... I'll never go back to it."